What do you do?

This is the question I get asked most often. It is a tricky question to answer because I have very strong feelings about what I do, and not a lot of people understand those feelings. Well, today I am going to try to explain. I don't mean to offend anyone by this post. If you read something you don't like or don't agree with, you don't have to keep reading. We can agree to disagree.

We just celebrated our third anniversary. I can't believe it has already been three years! It is crazy that time has gone by so fast, but that it has been SO good. We decided before we got married that I wasn't going to work because we wanted to have kids right away. It was perfect timing because my internship for school was just ending, and I didn't feel bad not staying.

Then we were married and months passed without me getting pregnant. It became obvious that I wasn't working and wasn't having children and people demanded an explanation. (At least that is what it felt like. I felt like they thought that if I didn't have children, my place was no longer in the home, but in the workforce, providing extra income for our family.)

I started feeling really guilty that I didn't have children and wasn't working outside of our home. I didn't know what to do. Getting a job at that point made me feel like I was giving up on the idea of having kids. That thought was unbearable so instead of looking for jobs or trying to explain how I felt when people asked, I just brushed it off with a joke. I was blessed to have a husband that wanted to provide financially for our family and wanted me to do what made me happy.

I struggled a lot the first couple of years of our marriage - not knowing what I was supposed to be doing. I mean, I KNEW I was supposed to be a mom, but it obviously wasn't time for that. So what did I do with all this extra time that I wanted to fill with changing diapers, reading stories, caring for and teaching my kids until they got here? I cooked and cleaned and read and prayed and fulfilled my callings and read my scriptures and would get so discouraged when I would start and knew there would be another month of waiting before the nine months of pregnancy. I can't count the number of times I cried to my husband (and Heavenly Father) feeling like my life was being wasted because I knew I would do the most good as a mother. What was I meant to do as I waited? How should I fill the hours of the day in the meantime?

Some days were easier than others and I wouldn't worry as much, but there were some days that I was so confused! I didn't want to work outside of our home. I hated working. It always seemed like such a waste of time. I loved being at home - cooking and cleaning, but I didn't think it would be enough as I waited to become a mom. I felt like

So I researched. I tried to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. I certainly didn't want to waste my time, and I wanted to show my Heavenly Father that I was dedicated to being patient until He sent me kids. I wanted Him to know that I wasn't going to sit around waiting for that to happen.

I decided I would spend my time doing things that I felt would make me a better mother. I wanted to have in place all of those habits I wanted to have as a mom - those things I wanted to teach my children. During that process, I also had to rearrange my definition of a homemaker because I had it all wrong. Moms don't make homemakers. Homemakers are women who know that they are daughters of God with endless potential. She is given the responsibility of making her home feel like a temple: a place where the Spirit of God can dwell, a place of learning, a place of love, a refuge from the noise and uncleanliness of the world. She is charged with nurturing her family - knowing the physical and spiritual needs of her family and making sure they are met. She is meant to display Christ-like attributes and work towards being with Him again someday. She is to be an example of service and love in her community. She is supposed to continue learning and becoming better.

I read an article about how having a stay-at-home mom is a luxury for the working dad. I'd never thought about that before. I find that to be true without kids. After a long day teaching teenagers about history, my husband gets to come to a clean, peaceful home. He gets to spend time with someone who can sit and listen to the details of his day and offer sympathy for the difficult parts.  He gets to share funny stories and do any additional work he needs to to be ready for school without worrying about cleaning the house or doing laundry or making dinner. We get to spend the weekends together without having to get lists of chores done. It is a perfect system.

I read another article the other day about what moms were meant to do when all their kids were in school. It made me think about my situation and the similarities. I have hours to fill without children to care for. The author felt like she had to have a long list to make her feel like she was doing enough during the day. Homemakers are not meant to fill every waking minute with accomplishing something. I've often felt like that - that I need to have a list five miles long each week of accomplishments. It's hard to quantify the time spent building a stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father or learning in the scriptures or pondering stories or people in the scriptures. Feeling prompted to contact a friend or a family member rarely makes the list, but these are the things that keep my home peaceful. These are the things that increase my testimony, patience, understanding, and love. These are the things that I want my kids to know me for so these are the things I want to fill my time doing.

So now I have a list of things that I need to work on to be better prepared to be a mother and things I can do to be a better homemaker. It is a long list and it takes me out of my comfort zone more often than I would like, but I know the things I am working on are worth-while. I know that someday when I am blessed with kids, I won't have to worry about changing so I can be the mom they deserve.

And at the end of the day, I no longer feel guilty about telling people that I am a homemaker because it is the most important thing a woman can do.

It's like riding a bike...

I am hopeful that is true. I haven't blogged in a while, but I would like to think that it will come back to me. I still have things to say. Since it has been so long, I thought I would give you an update on how life is going.

When I was a teenager, I made a list of qualities I wanted in my future husband. None of those 1,638 qualities included what career I wanted my husband to pursue. I just wanted him wanted him to enjoy what he did. I wanted him to feel like he was making a difference. I wanted him to be happy. I also wanted him to want to provide for his family so I could fulfill my role as a homemaker.

I was very blessed with a husband who took his role as a provider seriously. When Joe was writing full-time, I knew it wasn't his favorite thing to do. It wasn't making him happy. He didn't feel like he was making a difference in the way he could. So we moved away from our families and friends, and he started teaching. Teaching makes him happy. He's getting the chance to make a difference.

I miss having him around all day, but it makes me appreciate the time we get together even more. I was spoiled the first two and a half years of marriage. I got to hang out with my best friend all day. Anytime I had something to tell him, I just told him. I didn't have to worry about schedules or interfering with his work. Life was great, but it always made me a little sad that he wasn't finding joy in his work. It makes me very grateful that he was willing to keep doing that to provide for our family until he got his dream job.

Now that he has that dream job, our home is different. (Other than the fact that it is just me at home most days.) He adds to the peace and happiness level when he comes home every day. I didn't even know that was missing before.

I love almost everything about Arizona. I did not love the heat in the middle of the summer. It is very hot. I am hopeful that my body gets used to it so I don't sweat every time I step outside next summer. I also do not love how fast produce dies. I was used to buying things for a couple of weeks, but now it only lasts a couple of days.

I love how beautiful it is here. I love palm trees and cacti. I point out almost every tree and plant and tell Joe that I want them in our yard when we buy a house here. I am seriously going to have to pay someone to design my yard or it could end up looking like a nursery threw up on my lawn. I also love the temperature now! It's perfect. Plus it rains. Like proper rain. We used to joke that when we lived in Provo, it would rain for a couple of minutes and be done. Now when it rains it floods everything. The lightening storms and dust storms are pretty incredible.

Have I mentioned they have a professional baseball team here? Did I also mention that because they have a stadium here, the Cardinals get to play here? The stadium has a roof and is air-conditioned so we don't have to melt into puddles in our seats. We lucked out this year. The Cardinals didn't play in Phoenix until we moved here. Next year, it is earlier in the season. Either way, we are happy to get to see them live and cheer until our voices go away. It's pretty special.

We live 15 minutes away from the Mesa and Gilbert temples. We've only been to Gilbert so far. It is so beautiful. The doors are incredible - I will have to post pictures someday soon. They are my favorite. I went to the groundbreaking when I lived here before so it is incredible to see how much different the area is now.

I think that catches up most things. Life is good in the Zona. I left out is how I spend my days, and I did that on purpose. I have another post in mind. That is for another day. Soon.

I didn't forget.

It's been months since I've been here. Have you missed me? I decided to take a break for a while. Did you notice? I've been busy and so many things are changing that I had to reevaluate what I was doing with my time.

One of those changes: I am moving! Remember this blog post? That was your hint that it was a possibility. It just took a long time to make sure we were really going to Arizona! 

That isn't the only reason I stopped blogging. I am trying to decide what to do with my blog. I don't want to blog just to blog. I want to it to have purpose and either be something that I want to have a record of or something that will make a difference. It takes to much time if it isn't meaningful. 

I am not sure when I will be back. I have some things I want to do first. I'll be back when it is time. Don't worry. 

If you start to miss me, feel free to read old posts. 

Friday 5: Five of My Favorite Free Apps

I think we all have them: apps that we rely on for entertainment, news, or whatever else. Today I want to share 5 of my favorite. 

1. Words with Friends - I think I've mentioned this a couple of times before, but one of my favorite games is Scrabble and to be able to play a game like this with family and friends spread across the country makes me smile. If you feel like it is getting a little too easy, add some of your own twists. Use only words that are associated with food or sports. Play vertical words only. It makes it a bit trickier. Plus it is a fun way to get to interact with people who live too far away to get lunch or play games. So until we all live in the same town, this is the next best thing!

2. Mormon Channel - Music, uplifting videos and articles about becoming like the Savior, videos to help children and youth learn the scriptures. I still love and use the LDS Library app and use it all the time, but this is a nice alternative if you just have some time to kill and want to feel the Spirit. We had a challenge in FHE a couple of months ago to take 30 minutes of watching TV time and watch the bible videos and Mormon Messages from this app instead. Give it a try. Let me know what you think.

3. Zite - This app was just purchased by the company who owns Flipboard, so I am not sure how the changes will affect this app. For now, I love Zite. You get to pick categories in the news that you want to read about. For example, some of my favorites are food & cooking, vegetarian (great for meatless meals and vegetable side dishes), frugal living (they tell you about coupons and deals), and iPhone apps (tells you when apps go free and what great new apps are out there). It also keeps you updated with world news and whatever else you want to read about. I am usually reading in this app more than any other every day.

4. Dictionary - I look up words all of the time. I like to look at the origins of words as I read the scriptures and look up words I don't know. Plus it gives you a word of the day and gives you access to a thesaurus in case you write a blog a want to use superior phraseology. (You get to be my hero if that sentence made you think of Friends when Joey wrote the letter to the adoption service Monica & Chandler were using. Bless your aortic pumps.)

5. Glow - I am going to end with my new favorite. This is an app designed to help people who are either trying to conceive or are pregnant. Before you ask, you would already know if I was pregnant. Trust me. It walks you through your cycle each month with information along the way. The facts about a woman's body are fascinating. They give you "tasks" each day to complete (like make out with your spouse like you are teenagers and compliment a friend today). It gives you a place to monitor changes in your body as you try to conceive. There are community forums to connect with others in your shoes (whether you are trying to conceive or are pregnant). It is easy to use and the information they give is personalized to you. I don't know how well it works for pregnant women (I hope to someday), but for those of us trying to conceive, it keeps track of everything and gives you some peace of mind.

What about you? What are some of your favorite free apps?

Photo of the Week: Tricky Way to Get Salad on the Menu!

I love salads, but there are times that it needs something a little extra. This week that something extra was making it in the form of a tostada. Tostadas have a little lettuce on them, but they are mostly toppings like refried beans, peppers, onions and meat. Well, this week we had baked corn tortillas topped with homemade refried beans, cheese, sautéed onions and peppers. Then we had salad on top of that with a little spicy ranch dressing. It was the perfect way to add some greens (and oranges and reds). Delicious.

Recipe: Frittata

Repurposing leftovers. I think that is something we all think about. After all, no one wants to eat the same thing 3 days in a row. (Unless they are some of my favorites like Honey Nut Cheerios or Caprese salad. I could eat these every day. Not kidding.) Okay so we have these left overs and don't want to eat them again and definitely don't want them to go to waste. We all have our go-to dishes for leftovers. Mine is almost always soup, especially in the fall/winter months. Now that spring is coming our way, I decided to branch out. 

I went with a frittata. Which always brings the question, what is the difference between a quiche and a frittata? Well, there are a couple of them. First off, quiche is a baked custard, so in addition to eggs, it has a good amount of cream. It is also baked in a crust. Frittata is like a baked omelet so there is very little (if any) liquid added to the eggs. It is a fantastic way to use up vegetables that are about to go bad or those leftovers we spent an entire paragraph talking about. Remember?

Frittata

6 eggs (or so - I had a lot of add ins and wanted the eggs to play a dominate role. Feel free to start with 4 and add more if you need it.)

Vegetables of your choice - think about colors! (about a cup)

Sausage or bacon or ham (I'd stick to pig for this or go meatless - you'll need about a cup)

2 potatoes (can be used as a crust or cubed, sautéed and added to the egg mixture)

Cheddar cheese (about a cup)

Don't you love my measurements? That is how you know this is all about leftovers. I used what I had in my fridge. Do the same.

For this frittata, I decided to start with a potato bottom crust. (You don't need a crust, I just wanted to use up potatoes.) I sliced them thin and layered them in a cast iron skillet in a little melted butter. After they were layered, you want to season them. I let it sauté for about 5 minutes on medium low while I started cutting up some of the vegetables I wanted to use. 

Then I put it into a preheated oven for about 10 minutes while I prepped the other vegetables. Next, I blanched apparatus and sautéed red bell peppers. I already had leftover sausage ready to go. After that it is all about putting it together. 

I put the sausage right on top of the potatoes so I knew it was dispersed evenly.

Mix the vegetables in with the beaten eggs. I added a little bit of cheese to this mixture. I don't regret it. I do regret using a yellow bowl with eggs. I may never get that right. Sorry. Also, you are going to want to salt and pepper this mixture.

Carefully pour the egg mixture over the potatoes. This is when I realized I needed more egg. So I beat a couple of extra and added them to the top. 

Now let's talk about baking it. I baked it for about 20 minutes and added cheese to the top. After this point, you want the cheese to melt and the eggs to reach about 160 degrees. 

Cut it up. Eat it hot. Eat it cold. Add salsa. (If you're one of those people who eat ketchup on everything, go ahead, just don't make me watch. I still like you. Don't worry.)

I was busy talking to my grandpa and didn't watch the time as close as I should and overcooked it a little. The flavors were great and the texture was just a little off. It was worth it. We were talking about shooting targets. He taught me how to shoot. 

Now that I am done remembering shooting with grandpa (it's been way too long!), I am going to encourage you to give this a shot the next time you are wondering what to do with your leftovers!

Variety Tuesday: Preparing for General Conference

This week for FHE, I was in charge of the lesson. Since General Conference is less than a month away, I thought it would be a good opportunity to think back on some of the conference talks that touched my heart the most and to start thinking about questions I would like to have answered during the next conference talks.

I want to share with you one of my very favorite talks from Conference. It touched my heart in October and again last night as we watched it again. It's by Elder D. Todd Christofferson and could not be more important for the world to hear.

It's entitled The Moral Force of Women. Please read it or watch it. Even if you have already seen it, watch it again. Share it with the women in your life. (See me do that right now?) He has such an eloquent way of discussing the importance of women and their foreordained roles. I love this topic so much. I hear these words and feel empowered. I hear these words and know that I need to be doing so much better than I am now. I hear these words and know, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father is aware of my thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. He's aware, and He is sending messengers like Elder Christofferson to reassure me. What an incredible blessing.

I am only going to write one paragraph on womanhood. Then I will move on to preparing for conference. I promise.

Women, as natural nurturers have the daunting task of raising children. We are responsible for teaching them... everything. We are responsible for taking care of their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. We are responsible for transforming our home into a safe and loving atmosphere where the Spirit can dwell. We teach by example. We teach them to recognize the Spirit. We teach them right from wrong and love them despite choices they end up making. The list never ends. Luckily, the children that women are blessed to raise first knew a loving Heavenly Father who wants the best for those children. He is here to help. He has faith in you. He wants you to understand that there is NOTHING you will do that is as important. Raising children affects generations. Generations of YOUR family. Thinking about this overwhelming responsibility can make us feel discouraged or like we aren't doing enough. Well, there are a couple of things I want to say about that. Take an inventory and make sure you are doing everything you can with the help of Heaven. If you aren't, you can change that. Secondly, give yourself a break. Read Elder Christofferson's talk and let his words buoy you and encourage your efforts. The end.

Now I want to talk about preparing for General Conference. I have questions I want answered. No, I am not going to share them with you. Sorry. In order to feel like I have done my part to prepare to receive answers, I have been re-reading the talks from last conference. Personal revelation comes a little at a time and if I can form a foundation of knowledge and understanding before conference, the talks are going to help me that much more. I am praying for guidance as I study so I can do everything in my power.

So my message to you for today is that a Prophet of God is going to speak to the world 24 and 25 days from now. He is going to say something that you need to hear. I suggest you do your part and prepare to hear it.