My Role

I couldn't sleep last night. After a day of crazy emotions, I was looking for some understanding and uplifting words. I started reading about Sarah and Elisabeth and thinking about whether they had days like I do. I wonder if they would cry and pray and want to hide under the covers for a day. I can't tell you for sure, but I like to think that they did. I like to think that those strong women felt as weak as I do at times. Reading their stories wasn't enough yesterday. I finally found what I was looking for in a talk given by Ezra Taft Benson when he was the President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

You need to read it. Take some time today, read it with an open mind and think about how it applies to you, because I promise it does. It is titled The Honored Place of Woman and is from October 1981. Because I really want you to read it, I will make it easy and give you a link to it here.

I read it to my husband around 1:00 this morning, cried a little, and couldn't stop thinking about what I read. I wish I had the right words to tell you how it made me feel. My thoughts swirled in my mind until just after 5:00 this morning. I used that time to make a list of things I want to do better. More importantly, I felt a shift in the definition of who I want to be.

I already told you that the roles I want to fill in life are those of wife and mother. I have been a wife for 20 months, and I like how I fit into that role. It is fulfilling and makes me happy. I look forward to the day I find out about how I fit into my role as a mom. In his talk, he rarely separates the two titles. In fact, he said, "Before the world was created, in heavenly councils the pattern and role of women were prescribed. You were elected by God to be wives and mothers in Zion. Exaltation in the celestial kingdom is predicated on faithfulness to that calling. Since the beginning, a woman's first and most important role has been ushering into mortality spirit sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven."

I'd never thought of it in those terms before. For a talk given in 1981, it couldn't be more relevant for 2013. I feel like the role of women is even more distorted now than it was when President Benson talked about it. Our role hasn't changed. Something else that hasn't changed is the fact Satan has been trying to destroy families since the very beginning. One of the easiest ways to do that is to convince wives and mothers that they aren't needed in their home, that they will be worth more if they are adding to their income. With the temptations and wickedness bombarding our families, President Benson had it right when he said, "Children need more of mother than of money."

After reading this talk, I don't want to just be a wife and mom. I want to be a homemaker. I'd never thought about it being different before. It's more than just cleaning, cooking, and taking care of kids. It's my responsibility to ensure my home is peaceful and productive. President Benson said this of homemaking, "Radiate a spirit of contentment and joy with homemaking. You teach by example your attitude toward homemaking. Your attitude will say to your children, "I am only a housewife" or it will convey, "Homemaking is the highest, most noble profession to which a woman might aspire." Since we know that the roles of women were prescribed before the world was created and that we were elected by God to fulfill those roles, we know that we aren't just set in the background of life.

With Satan diligently trying to tear our families apart, it is important to have a wife and mom diligently fighting back. I don't have to wait until I am a mom to make sure my home is a place of love and learning, a place of refuge and refinement. I get to make sure my home is an ideal setting for kids to learn about their Heavenly Father and how much He loves them. President Benson made a promise to women in this talk. "Home is love, understanding, trust, welcome, and a sense of belonging. If you, as wives, mothers, daughters, take proper care of yourselves, your families, and your homes, and keep close to each other as sisters in the Relief Society, many of the problems of the day troubling youth and parents will pass you by." What a relief that would be: A peaceful family and home while the world is in turmoil.

My favorite part of the talk was a story from Franklin Wilder's Immortal Mother. The son in this story is one of the great reformers, John Wesley. His mother is Susannah Wesley.

Years ago, a son wrote to his mother and asked her what she did to successfully rear her children - all nineteen of them! She wrote him this reply:

"The writing anything about my way of education I am much adverse to. It cannot, I think, be of service to anyone to know how I , who have lived such a retired life for so many years, used to employ my time and care in bringing up my own children. No one can, without renouncing the world, in the most literal sense, observe my methods; and there are a few, if any, that would entirely devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save souls of their children, which they think may be saved without so much ado; for that was my principal intention, however unskillfully and unsuccessfully managed."

This paragraph made me cry. What a humble mom. It's so true to think that so much time is given to children from their moms in the prime of their lives. I love that was willing to renounce the world to do what she thought was best for her kids. I hope that I am that kind of mom. I want to be able to set what the world thinks I should be doing aside and embrace what I know my Heavenly Father wants me to do with His children. Until I welcome kids to our home, I am going to do everything I can to strengthen my testimony of my Savior to ensure I have His support when they are here. As a homemaker, my work will never be finished. I am grateful because I know that I will never have to do this work alone.

The last thought I want to share with you is a thought from a woman that Elder Benson quoted. "The great strength of a good woman - a Saint, if you will - is her personal testimony of the Savior and her faith in his spokesmen, the prophet and the Apostles of Jesus Christ. If she follows them, she will have the countenance of Christ for her beauty, the peace of Christ to support her emotionally, the Savior's example as a means to solve her problems and to strengthen her, and the love of Christ as the source of love for herself, her family, and those about her. She can be sure of herself as a wife and mother and find joy and fulfillment in her role in the home."

I have been a little worried about this post sounding like I am giving a talk in church, but I really wanted to write my thoughts down and I want to have a record of the parts of President Benson's talk that made me feel the way I do. Don't finish reading this post and think that you don't have to read his talk. I didn't even scratch the surface. Plus the things that inspire me are probably not the same things that will inspire you.